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Rules For Owning A Motor Coach: Number 4

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Number 4. (Maybe the Last Rule!)

Owning a motor coach is a never-ending learning experience.

And just when you think you know it all, you find out just how stupid you really are.

I have learned a lot about my coach, more than I ever wanted to know. I have had to study the mechanics of my engine, my slides, and my power seats as well as learn how it is wired for Surround Sound and cable TV. And, how it is plumbed including the ice maker, the fresh-water tank, the whole coach water filter and on and on. I have had to learn how to drive this big thing, including parking, turning, merging and more.

I have learned that trees and rocks are harder than fiberglass.

I have also learned, in no particular order, that:

It is easy to lose arguments with inanimate objects located at various points inside and outside of my coach.

Coach dealer mechanics are just like me -- they don't know as much as they think they do, which is why I have had to learn more for myself.

Don't wait to consult the owner's manual. Read it before you start breaking something you are trying to fix. You might find out it is supposed to work that way!

Two helping hands are better than one, especially when one of the hands is controlled by a brain other than your own.

Still, the best helping hand is the one at the end of your own arm.

Most things that break on a motor coach cost $650 to fix. Having owned two coaches I have had to:

Replace a bent jack- 650 dollars.

Replace two slideout toppers: dealer cost 650 dollars (I did it myself with some helping hands for a third of the cost).

Have a non-square slide out modified so it would actually slide all the way in: 650 dollars.

I have learned that when your rear end gets in a fight with a coach closet mirror, your rear end will win.

I have learned that when my big motorhome gets in a fight with my little mailbox, the mailbox will win.

I have learned that screws are better than staples for keeping things in their place (see above).

Having friends with the same coach really helps trying to figure out if something is really broke or not (like a hard-to-open pantry and entry door).

Wal-Mart has everything that the smart camper needs, like lots of beer.

Don't throw any small plastic or metal things rolling around in your coach away until you find out where they go and what they do. Put them in a special drawer so you can find them later.

I have learned that the tool you need to fix the problem you have is the tool that is still at the store.

When emptying your tanks, at least two people will walk over to talk to you.

I have learned that I find my self looking for the locations of the nearest Wal-Mart and Lowes no matter where my RV is parked at the time.

Own good tools, not cheap ones. Why waste your money or your CCC?

I have learned that CCC doesn't actually stand for carrying crappy cargo.

I have learned that I sometimes have way too much crap; I mean cargo, in my coach.

A 10-cubic-foot RV refrigerator is way too small when I load it.

A 10-cubic-foot RV refrigerator is huge when my wife arranges its contents.

I have learned that a cheap sewer hose and hot sand don't mix.

I have also learned that a brown sprits bath from a sewer hose with hundreds of pin holes in it may be funny to a couple of people but not to me.


The day after you empty your overflowing special little parts drawer, you will open a cabinet, or crawl under a seat or something and then you will say, "Oh, that's what that strange little screw was for."

Protect All really does work when used outside of its container.

Washing and waxing a coach, aside from making it look nice, is great exercise.

The day after washing and waxing my coach, I can't lift my arms above my head.

I have learned that when a rear engine right access panel is open while going down the road, it makes your right turn signal and brake lights pretty much useless.

All the above things are not so funny when you live through them, but then I think that one of my rules is about being patient. That is much easier to do if you have a well developed sense of humor. So if you don't have one of those, I suggest you learn where to get one!

Try Wal-Mart, they have everything. Oh, Remember rule number 1!

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